


The Cup Noodles Skirmish

by SimpleLoon



Series: Gladnis Headcanons [7]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Established Relationship, Ficlet, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26303974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimpleLoon/pseuds/SimpleLoon
Summary: Ignis took a deep breath. “Do you know how many chemicals are in Cup Noodles?”Gladio sagged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. “Here we go…”~Ignis confronts Gladio about his Cup Noodles consumption. It goes about as well as one would think.
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia/Ignis Scientia
Series: Gladnis Headcanons [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763689
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	The Cup Noodles Skirmish

**Author's Note:**

> Woo, after a month of not posting, I'm back with a new fic! I've been around but just more focused on work I need to complete for upcoming events/zines. Thankfully though, I finally found time to edit this fic I had originally drafted a few months ago! Might be a while again 'til I post anything new, so I hope you enjoy this one for now ^^
> 
> [Raven's](https://twitter.com/lunarts97) headcanon: "Getting Gladio to ease up on eating cup noodles is like getting Noctis to eat his vegetables. Ain't gonna happen. A forever struggle for Iggy."

It was a typical lazy Sunday afternoon. Gladio lounged on the couch, a cheesy romance novel waiting on the coffee table before him. In his hands were a pair of chopsticks and a container of Cup Noodles. With a sickening slurp, Gladio swallowed up another bite.

Ignis exhaled and paced to the armchair beside the couch. He sat on the chair, crossed his legs, and placed his hands atop his knees.

“Gladio, we need to talk.”

Gladio paused mid-slurp, chopsticks still in his mouth. His eyes grew wide, staring at Ignis.

“About Cup Noodles,” Ignis quickly added, realizing his poor word choice.

Tension eased out of Gladio’s face and arms, and he slurped up the noodles with a wet guzzle. He grinned at Ignis. “What about, babe? How they’re simply divine, like the Astrals themselves?”

Ignis rapped his fingers against his knee. “Gladio.”

“The most amazing concoction, a perfect blend of fish, meat, and eggs?”

“Gladio.”

“Or did you think we have too few? That we need more variety? I’d be happy to-“

“Gladio!” Ignis snapped, halting Gladio’s ramble. Ignis took a deep breath. “Do you know how many chemicals are in Cup Noodles?”

Gladio sagged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. “Here we go…”

“Gladio, I’m serious,” Ignis continued, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward. “It’s not healthy.”

“I don’t eat Cup Noodles because I think they’re healthy,” Gladio countered. “I eat them because they’re freaking delicious.”

Ignis sighed. How Gladio could think that, he would never know. Time to change tactics.

Ignis leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and giving a small pout. “So my cooking isn’t good enough for you?”

“Ah, babe! I didn’t say that!” Gladio said, sounding a bit offended. “You know I love your cooking! It’s the best, better than everyone else’s!”

“And yet you partake in that sodium-ridden synthesized feast.”

“The two can coexist.” Gladio shrugged. “I mean, you make the best muffins, and yet you still buy muffins from Selphie’s Sweets.”

Ignis narrowed his eyes. “That may be true, but I don’t partake in ingesting muffins every 3 hours.”

“First of all, I don’t eat Cup Noodles that much. Second of all,” Gladio gave Ignis the side-eye, “you’re one to talk with your Ebony.”

Ignis clenched his hands. “Black coffee has numerous health benefits.”

“Not if you’re ingesting it ten times a day.”

Ignis’s ears were becoming hot. But if Gladio wanted to play hard ball… time for the big guns.

Ignis gestured to Gladio’s chest. “All those chemicals and calories are going to catch up with you one day.”

Gladio put the Cup Noodles on the coffee table. He smirked. “I highly doubt that.” Standing up, he took off shirt in one motion. Then, he sauntered over to Ignis and posed right in front of him. “These muscles are here to stay.”

Ignis scoffed, shaking his head. “Must you show them off now?”

Gladio leaned down, placing his hands on the armchair rests, trapping Ignis between his bulk. “I know you like it,” he said, biting his lower lip and wriggling his eyebrows.

Ignis averted his eyes, fighting off the growing heat to his cheeks. “Regardless of my desires, if you keep eating, that physique is going to be gone if you continue this sickening ingestion.”

“You know, you’re right.”

Ignis looked at Gladio, eyebrows raised.

Gladio straightened, pumping up his chest. “I’ll have to work harder.”

Turning behind him to grab his Cup Noodles, Gladio proceeded to do squats while slurping.

Ignis gave a groan. “It doesn’t work like that! You can’t simply exercise it off.”

“I’m pretty sure I can.”

“Gladio!”

“But maybe I should increase the pressure.” Gladio set the Cup Noodles on the ground.

“What do you-ah!”

Gladio grabbed Ignis around the waist, flinging him up and about his broad shoulders. Ignis quickly grabbed for purchase around one of Gladio’s arms, feeling the other arm wrap around his leg.

“Gladio! I don’t appreciate this!”

“Sorry, babe,” Gladio said, reaching back to get the noodles. “Gotta keep up this physique for you.”

“Gladio!”

Gladio went back to squatting and slurping, Ignis gripping and complaining.

“This is not a nice way to hold your boyfriend!” Ignis reprimanded after another gross slurp sounded.

Gladio paused. “Oh… you’re right.” Setting back down the Cup Noodles, he turned his head to Ignis. “You prefer I hold you like this, right?”

Ignis’s world flipped once again, until he was brought against Gladio’s chest, a beefy arm supporting his back and another supporting his legs.

Ignis deadpanned, doing his best to fight off a grin. “Gladiolus.”

Gladio kissed his nose. “You’re blushing.”

“Gladio! Put me down!”

“All right, all right.” Gladio lowered the arm supporting Ignis’s legs, allowing Ignis to stand on his own. He looked at Ignis expectantly.

Ignis took a deep breath. Taking a broad hand into both of his, Ignis gazed up at Gladio. “Love, I know how much you enjoy Cup Noodles, but it’s not the best food for your body. So please, for my sake, try to lessen it.”

Gladio stared for a second and then nodded. Taking Ignis into his arms, Gladio ducked slightly to kiss him. Ignis wrapped both arms around his neck in response, deepening the kiss.

“Okay, okay,” Gladio whispered upon breaking. “I know it’s just because you care. I’ll try, Iggy.”

“Thank you, Gladio.” Ignis closed his eyes, resting his head against Gladio’s collarbone, taking in the warmth.

And then, fingers attacked Ignis’s sides, causing Ignis to fall backwards into the armchair with a yelp.

Gladio grinned. “Tomorrow!” He grabbed the Cup Noodles and fled, a few pounding footsteps followed by a door slamming and locking.

Ignis dropped his face into his hands. This battle with the Cup Noodles was much trickier than he could have imagined. How could he ever-

Ignis shot out of the armchair, suddenly realizing. He marched to the bedroom.

“Gladiolus! If you drop one singular noodle on our bed…”

**Author's Note:**

> Support [Raven @lunarts97](https://twitter.com/lunarts97) on Twitter! She makes amazing art!  
> (Note: Contains NSFW, 18+ only)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Be sure to subscribe to the series if you want more!


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